Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Even my vagina gasped.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
