We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
