i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
