what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
