we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
