this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
