I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
