what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
