hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
