I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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