dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
