im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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