It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
