Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
