she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
