Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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