I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
