You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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