Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
