there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
