I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Randomize
