I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
