I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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