i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
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