If that was your dad, he is hot
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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