They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
