I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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