that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
