I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
