went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
