you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
