you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
