Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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