Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
