But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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