In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Duck Duck Cougar?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
