I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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