You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
