I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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