Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
