loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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