careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
