im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
