i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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