i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
