I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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