We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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