i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
