I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
