you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
