You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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