is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
