there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
one two three fourrrrnication!
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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